After a one month hiatus from all things Internet excluding Gmail, my bank account, and an occasional check-up on Facebook, I’m back!  I logged into Google Reader last night and had 488 new posts awaiting me.  Talk about make-up work - I’m gonna be busy this week!

Now let me warn you that the past month has been somewhat taxing, so please be patient with me as I try to garner the strength to become relatively funny/clever once more.  I dreaded coming back for this very reason, but I have come to the realization that I missed the relaxing shores of Funtalia far too much.  I’m ready to pretend I’m a teenager again.  Welcome back me!

Translation: Kids should smell like puppies and teenagers should smell like Teen Spirit.
(I felt the need to pay homage to Nirvana and the greatest song of the ’90s.)

Never underestimate the importance of good hygiene in warm weather.
Welcome Spring!

Which TGIF family below does your real-life family relate to the most?

The Tanners in Tuxedos

The Winslows and Urkel, the greatest TV nerd ever

Balki and Larry - Rest assured, they were family - Distant cousins to be exact

The Lambert/Foster Family - A modern-day Brady Bunch

The Matthews accompanied by a very involved next-door-neighbor/teacher/principal, Mr. Feeny

The Sinclairs circa 60,000,003 BC

I like how these shots look like they’re old photos of mine.  They aren’t, but the people/dinosaurs in them are definitely all old friends of mine.  Miss you guys!

Chocolate-Drizzled Lacy Oatmeal Cookies

INGREDIENTS:
For the cookies:
1/2 cup oats, chopped in food processor
1/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons corn syrup
6 tbsp melted butter (until the foam subsides)
2 tablespoons heavy cream
Pinch of salt

For the ganache:
1/4 cup chocolate chips
1 tbsp heavy cream

DIRECTIONS:
In a food processor, pulse the raw oats several times until they become small pieces.  While that is going, melt the butter in a small saucepan.

Combine all ingredients for the cookies in a large bowl, and stir to combine.  Spoon onto baking sheets by the teaspoon, placing each cookie at least 3″ apart from others - they spread a lot!  Bake at 425 for 6-8 minutes, or until cookies have spread and are just beginning to brown around the edges.  Let them cool completely on the baking sheets before sliding them off with a spatula.

For the chocolate drizzle, melt chocolate chips and 2 tablespoons heavy cream for 15 seconds in the microwave on high heat.  Stir to combine.  If there are lumps, heat for an additional 5 seconds at a time.  Spoon the ganache into a squeeze bottle, and use it to drizzle chocolate onto the cookies either on the cooled baking sheets or on a wire rack.  Serve!  (Makes about 24-30 cookies.)

So yum!  Enjoy!

Go ahead - I dare you not to have any nightmares tonight!

What’s been the cause for your bad dreams in the past?  Small mythical creatures with a taste for trickery?  It wouldn’t surprise me.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and Sweet Dreams!

If you have a question you would like to “Ask Bailey,” please send it to lacylee@funtalia.com.  Who knows?  Maybe your inquiry will become the subject of her next webisode!  So don’t delay, let Bailey counsel you today!!!

Since the show, Pushing Daisies, is literally pushing up daisies now, you won’t be able to have Ned, “The Pie Maker,” bake you up anything special to celebrate this seemingly infinite number at the Pie Hole where everything is bright and lovely.  Instead, you’ll just have to hit up your slightly-more-drab Marie Callender’s to honor this relationship between a circle’s circumference and diameter with your friends tonight.  Have fun!  Happy Pi Day!

I want to linger a little longer on the topic of Pushing Daisies.  I liked this show initially because I found the concept original, the writing clever, and the cinematography gorgeous.  However, when the star-crossed lovers cannot even hold hands?, things can get a little frustrating to say the least.  I had to stop watching out of sake for my own peace of mind.  Because of this, I have no idea how it ended.  I’m really just curious about one thing: Did Chuck (pictured above) and Ned ever get to embrace?  (I am pretty much relying on K to answer this.  I am sure she watched until the bitter end since she went on a personal crusade to save the show. )

How about the rest of you?  Are you sad this ABC dramedy was canceled?  Do you care?  Do you even know what I’m talking about?

I was intrigued by the weird name, so I went to their website to investigate further.  Apparently, these are sold as a set of 26 cards that each encourage a specific random act of kindness (or “guerilla goodness” in their words).  Once the goodness has been passed on, so is the card.  It’s the Pay It Forward spirit bundled into “the first ever kit for a social revolution.”  I thought it sounded nice, but not too original…untilllll.  Until I realized that you can register the cards on their site and then track each card’s progress once they’ve moved out of your hands.  Pretty cool, right?  If you want to see how far a little kindness can go, these cards are the key.  They even offer a teen edition especially for you.  If you buy a deck, please make sure to use your “Buy a new car for your favorite blogger” card on me, so you can hear me gleefully burst out with my favorite expletive, “HALEY JOEL OSMENT!!!”  (Yeah, I’m pretty sure the majority of my references completely fly over the heads of my “target” audience.  Hopefully, it encourages a little study on your part.  Try to keep up! )

So have you ever had a Pay It Forward moment?  Did it end with Donald Trump paying off your mortgage?  Did that really happen?

*By the way, happy Friday the 13th!  Take my advice and stay inside today.  If you need me, you can find me with my creepy black cat in my lap, opening an umbrella (ella ella) with one hand and breaking a mirror with the other, under a ladder indoors all day.
It’s just waaay too unlucky to leave the house today!

bomb adj with da or the
1: best, superlative: “THOSE TRUFFLES ARE DA BOMB.”
2: remarkable, extraordinary: “THAT BOY IS DA BOMB.”
3. popular or visually pleasing

dope adj
great, excellent, fantastic: “HIS NEW ALBUM IS DOPE.”
syn rad, ill, sweet, da bomb, tight, phat, sick, hot, gravy, bad, fresh, fly, fierce

front vi fronted, frontin’ or fronting
1: to put on a false appearance, conceal under pretense, cover up, deny, lie: “HE FRONTED LIKE HE WAS ROYALTY.”
2: to disrespect
3: to confront, engage

props n pl
1: respect, proper respects: “WE SHOULD GIVE TEACHERS PROPS IN THIS COUNTRY.”
2: credit where credit is due: “HE MAY BE DULL, BUT I GIVE HIM PROPS FOR SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVEMENT.”
3: praise, recognition
syn kudos, shout-outs

You may want to consider purchasing these for any of the adults in your life who may be frontin’ like they understand the juvenile vernacular, but are actually left conbaffled.  If you know anyone in need, you can order these very informative and helpful slanguage flashcards here.  For everyday quick references, just send them to the Urban Dictionary for millions more dope definitions.  I’m just glad there’s a way for people to interpret what I’m saying now.  It’s hard being so fierce.

If you have a favorite slang word or phrase, please share it with the rest of us.  Make sure to use it in context so as to continue this education process.

Peace!